Hope Springs Eternal in the Human Heart

Holly...a cowgirl??!!?

2007-04-03T17:24:00.000-07:00

Oh yes, that is right, my friends...just had to write about this one! Some of you may know that I harbor a HUGE fear of horses. I was thrown when I was 10, and have been pretty afraid ever since. Which makes it funny that I've spent the last several years working at a camp that runs 2 main programs...whitewater rafting and HORSES. I'm sure you know which one I spent more time in :) Until...

My good friend Eric volunteered to fix a not-so-little something on my car last week. Eric does all the 'horse' stuff here at camp. I wanted to do something to thank him for taking care of my car, so...in my foolishness, I volunteered to feed the horses for him all last weekend. He gave me a lesson on Friday morning, and then on Saturday/Sunday I was all on my own!! That's right, kiddos...Holly Ann tried to be a cowgirl!!

And so I will share a few nuggets of widsom with you that I learned about working around/feeding horses:

1. If you're deathly afraid of them, they seem to know it and actually TRY to freak you out all the more. Like baring their huge, 2-3 inch, yellow stained teeth at you...or sticking their huge, cavernous mouths down near your ear (I swear I could hear them whispering about how tasty it looked)...or walking towards you when you have nowhere to run...

2. Don't wear anything with pockets when working around hay. It simply gets stuck and never leaves. My hoodie sweatshirt and jeans are facing MULTIPLE washings to get out the little bits of hay that are down in the seams of the pockets...I kid you not!!

3. Be ready to have hay everywhere on your person at the end of feeding time....and yes, I do mean EVERYWHERE.

4. Some horses have no conception of 'personal space.' Vail, the white one in the pictures, was IN MY FACE every moment I was near her! (and you can reference #1 on this one, too).

5. Driving around in a big 'farm-y' 4WD truck feels cool.

6. Getting up early in the morning and doing work feels good. (as long as you got some sleep the night before)

7. Country music still sucks, no matter how fun getting up early and driving a 4WD truck is.

That is all! Aren't you proud of me?!!

Yes, the rumors are true...

2007-02-28T17:34:00.000-08:00

So, some of you have been in on this process, some of you have not, but...the short version is that about 2 weeks ago I officially 'gave notice' here at Kidder Creek that I will no longer be working here in a full time capacity after this summer. I'll be moving back to Santa Cruz as of Sept 15. Woo-hoo! :)

Those of you who know me well know that 2 of my bigest passions in life are community with others and wilderness minstry. I have a heart to draw people into deep connections with each other through time together, whether it's spent over a meal, a Bible study, or a fireside chat. I also have a heart to take people on excursions into Creation so that they can connect more with who God is, and who He wants them to be. God has brought me many opportunities in the past to be involved in both of those things, and I believe He's bringing me an opportunity now to continue in those 2 avenues.

The last 2 years of living here at KC have been such a blessing in many ways, but one area that has been a real challenge is that of community. There's a joy to living in a small town, but one of the down sides is that there are virtually no single people in my age range, let alone Christian ones that I can potentially have deep community with. When i moved here I didn't think that would be as hard as it has been, but I was wrong! I'm realizing more and more how 'made for people' I am (though it seems to come as no surprise to those who know me)...my soul is made for connection with other people who are at similar life-stages to myself, and I'm now deeply aware of how tough it is to live most of life without intimate community around you.

Another area that has become a challenge in the last 2 years is my passionate love for wilderness minstry. As i've spent more and more time diving into what the full-time "Program Director" job is becoming here at KC, I"ve realized that it is not moving me more towards wilderness minstry, it's actually moving me further away from it, and more into administration and supervistion. And while it's been a great learningexperience...life's too short to not do what you LOVE. I can't deny that (especially during the summer) my heart longs to be out in the wilderness and on the river much more than this job is able to let me.

In light of all that, and of a multitude of other small and medium sized reasons, I've spent the last few months praying about the possibility of moving on from this full time position at KC. My boss and I have been talking about it since last September, and when I told him a few weeks ago that I was for sure going to leave, he said he was "sad, but not surprised." He's fully in support of me following the passions and dreams that God has given me, so that is super cool.

Perhaps one of the things that I'm most excited about in this is how I am freed up to continue pursuing wilderness ministry; at KC during the summers, possibly at NOLS (see below), or even in other avenues that God has not yet revealed. My body ain't getting any younger, so if I want to move forward in these dreams of mine, now is the time. I get so freaking STOKED when I think about being able to backpack and raft again this summer (more than i have for the last 2 summers!)....Oi.... :)

So.....the tentative plan is to move back to santa cruz in the fall (yeay for building community, being around people my age and life stage, investing in intimate friendships, and partaking in a kick ass church again!!), substitute or maybe teach part time, and waitress, thru may 1st 2008, when I hope to take the NOLS (www.nols.edu) Instructor Course (34 days backpacking and rock climbing in the Rockies, OI!!),then be qualified to work both for them and for KC in summer of 08 (and on into eternity). I'm praying about going back into the classroom in fall of08, but that's a long ways away, and lots can (and I'm sure WILL) change between now and then :) It's been a hard decision, because there is much that I DO love about living and working here...it's actually been a REALLY tough decision. I will cry when I leave here, and I will miss people alot, but...I am comforted by the knowledge that I LOVE LOVE LOVE working here during the summer, so it's not goodbye...it's just 'see you soon' :)

Whew! That was a long one :) But long overdue, as well. So...for those of you in SC, I'm looking for housing come Sept 15!

Just wanted to keep everyone updated...so that is the story :)

love to you!

A movie that's actually a bit real-life-ish...

2007-02-25T17:59:00.000-08:00

So, I saw a movie on Valentine's Day (spent with my mom, no less, instead of all the men who were knocking on my door...oh, wait...what men??) that was quite interesting. It's called "Prime" and it has Uma Thurman (heart-stoppingly gorgeous as always) and Meryl Streep. (i would put a picture of it up here but...i'm not internet savvy and don't know how to get pics off the internet...anyone help me??) Good commentary on relationships (family and dating) and quite funny in many parts. [**disclaimer: if you don't like spoilers, stop reading NOW because I'm going to give away the end of the movie! You have been warned...]

Fascinating story that involves Rafi (uma), a 37 year old divorcee with trust issues, going to see her therapist, (whose character's name escapes me)Meryl Streep. One night Uma meets this great guy Dave, who is wonderful and funny and sweet and talented, but on their first date she finds out that he's...23. (For those of you who know my last years of dating style...right up my alley...) Anyway, they continue to see each other and fall madly in love (done quite well in the movie), then Meryl realizes that this guy Rafi is telling her about is her SON (meryl's). OI! Meryl freaks, a bit of chaos ensues, etc. The point being that Rafi and Dave really love each other, and really want to make it work. Here's the spoiler, and what is alternately great and heartbreaking about the movie: in the end, they DON'T end up together. They realize that they're moving in opposite directions, and that though their love is real...sometimes, JUST love isn't enough. And they go their separate ways, sad, but with all these great memories...

Needless to say, I went to bed and cried. But I watched it again a week later, and only cried a little, because I realized...really, that's often how it is. You love someone, and you both give and learn and work really hard to see if it will work out, but...sometimes, it just can't. And I am finally really embracing the idea that just because it ends doesn't mean it was wrong in the first place...and doesn't mean that either of you didn't WANT it to work out. And doesn't invalidate what you had. Sometimes...we just have to love, and grow, and...move on. Having just come off of something similar in my own life, it just really resonated with me. And I was really grateful to see Hollywood finally doing it right--i think so many of us grow up with these unrealistic ideas about dating and marriage, because we are fed too many romantic comedy lies--that it ALWAYS works out, no matter what. It was nice to see an authentic and realistic depiction of dating relationships.

So, for those of you who can stand some foul language and know how to ffwd thru the multitude of sex scenes, I recommend it. Especially if you're still single and/or have ever nursed a broken heart.

Praise God for how He uses EVERYTHING in our lives to teach us. I'll confess I'm so GLAD to finally be at a point of healing and resolve over past dating relationships in my life...actually GRATEFUL that they happened, with no hard feelings. amazing what Jesus can do, eh? :)

Props to Uma, Meryl and ...Brian somebody, the actor who plays the 23 year old. And shoot...he got to make out with UMA THURMAN and got PAID for it...what young guy wouldn't want THAT job?? :)

Friendship and the need for community

2007-01-25T16:57:00.000-08:00

So, this last weekend I had the priviledge (sp?) of visiting my dear friend Katie in Gloucester, Mass. (Don't be angry Wilcox and Cade--my plan is to see you guys when I'm out there for her wedding in April!) A few frivolities, first:

They have the COOLEST houses there! Check out the pictures!! All tall and Victorian and fun...and, Gloucester is this great little seaport town, all harbory and fishy--very picturesque! I highly recommend the Lone Gull coffee shop if you're ever in town...fun, comfy atmosphere.

But enough of that. Katie and I had some excellent times of talking pretty deeply, and I was really struck on Friday night with how important it is to be face to face with friends who really know you, and really love you. As I've lived here at Kidder Creek for the last 2 years, intimate friendships have been hard to come by. I've got fun friends, but no real CLOSE, dear friends. And I miss that. It's been hard on my soul, I think. It was really apparent to me last Friday night, sitting on Katie's couch and talking...that we are WIRED for community, to live with people who know us and love and accept us, with all our warts and idiosycrasies. People who are committed to walking the journey with us, no matter what. And I was reminded of how necessary it is to be face to face with at least a few of those people. It really fed my soul to be with her, and then to be in Santa Cruz for a day with some other dear friends...just the beauty of BEING with people who know you...it's almost inarticulate, but I am finding that's it's so essential to the health of our hearts....

So, all that to say...let us bask in the joy of dear friendships with those whom we can see and touch...it is often like water to a parched and weary soul, to be with those people. Revel in it, enjoy it, roll around in it...

that is all :)

the last 2 months...

2007-01-25T16:48:00.000-08:00

so, I've been getting hassled about the fact that I've not posted in awhile. My apologies! :) Life has actually been really busy. Let me share the love and photos with you...

1. Cross country skiing 2 weeks ago at Mt Shasta--so fun!! it's one of my new favorite things!
2. Old friends from the high school years...it was super great to see them over Christmas!! Blurry, but...hey, I wasn't the one taking the picture!!
3. world's greatest nephew at Christmas! Oh my, he is just adorable...

And, I just returned from a GREAT weekend in Gloucester, MA (near Boston), for a quick weekend visit with a dear friend...and I will put up pics and a thought-provoking post (I'm letting it marinate today) within the next few days... :) There is actually much on my mind right now...so do check back! There's the potential of some exciting announcements very soon...

Pancakes...and songs...and poetry...cause hope springs eternal...

2006-12-05T11:48:00.000-08:00

Have you ever wondered if someone on the planet actually digs you, but you don’t know it? Summer of ’99, I worked for 3 weeks at Redwood Camp at Mt Hermon. I became decent friends with a girl’s counselor named Jo-lay. She was great. The biggest thing that Jolay and I had in common (aside from Jesus and camp, of course) was that we both had crushes on the same ultra-wonderful summer staff guy at Mt Hermon, Holby. He was fabulous, loved Jesus, hot, and of course…totally out of reach for us. I don’t know if either of us had ever even spoken to him. So, we compensated…we were making pancakes out by the Meadow on a Saturday morning…and so we made pancakes in the SHAPE OF HIS NAME. that’s right, H-O-L-B-Y, in pancake batter. Yep…it’s true…

And lest all you gentlemen roll your eyes, it’s not just girls that act like this. A certain guy friend of mine, who will remain nameless, nursed a HUGE crush for a young lady (from afar) this past summer, yet downloaded songs that contained her middle name and would listen to them throughout the day. He even turned her first name into a German word that he could shout at any time…because he was freaking SMITTEN!

And so it makes me think…what if there are people out there, making pancakes in the shapes of YOUR name, or mine, or downloading songs with our names in them? (by the way, the great 70’s band Boston has already written my song, Holly Ann, so you can download it any time you like) Seriously…I found out my senior year of college that one of my guy friends liked me our sophomore year…wrote POETRY about me and everything…and yet I never knew!!

And so, all that to say…there might be someone out there doing something odd but cute only because they’re thinking of YOU.

So be encouraged. :) Perhaps someone right now is making pancakes with YOUR initials in them…YOU JUST NEVER KNOW!!

Anyone want to list their OWN true confessions about such things you've done?? :)

a celebration of 3.33 decades of life

2006-11-29T08:54:00.000-08:00

Last Saturday night I had the honor of celebrating my 33rd birthday with Mr. Mike Murrow and other fun friends (because Murrow turns 33 four days after me). What a great night--everything I could have wanted. Dear friends, good food, silly fun, deep talks...all in just a few hours. I must admit that the award for favorite present received goes to Matt and Heather Troxell, who gave me a framed clipping of my picture and quote that were recently featured in the Good Times. I am now SO immortalized--thank you Troxells :) (and i love the cancer-causing mug as well).

Many thanks to those of you who were there, it was so good for my heart just to see and be with you...and please just know that I miss you guys deeply. My drive home was sad...there certainly ain't community for me up here like there is down there. Hm...perhaps Jesus will bring me back down there sometime soon...in a more permanent sense...

Enjoy the pics my friends!! Mikey...it's always an absolute joy to share the bday with you. Happy 33, my friend! (ps check out Murrow's blog for more pics) (pps yes it looks like there's loads of alcohol and yes it's just for show...well, mostly)

Thanksgiving with the Fam...

2006-11-29T08:38:00.000-08:00

So, I'll keep this one quick since it's just 'psycho auntie' gushing about her nephew, but...

I DO have the cutest nephew ever!! Lucas is 9 months old now and absolutely precious. He's super big for his age and is just starting to crawl and teeth(e?). Never thought I would be THIS over the top about a baby!! All the more reason to not have kids of my own...I get to hang out with him when he's fun, and when he's cranky, I get to hand him back over. Perfect!

Lucas with his Pop and his first stand up in his crib (come on...you KNOW he is a CUTE kid!!) Man, I'm psycho about him...

Ok, I'm done now. But he IS just GREAT!!

goals...running...whatever...

2006-11-20T18:14:00.000-08:00

So, yesterday I went for the longest run of my life. It's been a goal of mine for awhile now, this certain 'time' that I wanted to run for. And yesterday morning, I was just feeling it. Unplanned, until about halfway through my run, and then I thought...'what if?? what if TODAY is 'the day'...what if I just go for it?' And so, I did...and it felt good. It felt GREAT, actually :)

And it has made me think about the concept of challenging yourself. I've been working hard on that one this fall, really pushing myself to go beyond what I THINK I can do, in some areas. And it's been really beneficial. Reinhold Messner, arguably the greatest mountaineer of our century, said in a recent National Geographic interview something like "It's not that I'm so unafraid...it's not courage if there's no fear, no risk involved...I'm afraid, but I do it anyway." And I like that...the concept of challenge, and pushing ourselves to do things that are out of our comfort zones, BECAUSE they grow us.

So...all that to say, those of you who are considering some challenges for yourselves...go for it. Be willing to risk a little. It is almost always worth it :) I leave you with a quote from Anais Nin:

And the day came
when the risk to remain
tight in a bud
was more painful
than the risk it took to blossom.

so get out there and blossom, suckas! :)

hm...this blogging thing is kind of fun...you just get to write your random thoughts, and who knows if anyone ever reads them...but who cares?!? :)

Fall in God's Country...

2006-11-08T18:02:00.000-08:00

So....I'm going to attempt this blog thing. I'll probably use it most just for pictures, and random updates for those of you who might actually be interested in what's occurring (sp?) in my life here in the great white north (soon to be great white, actually).

which brings us to my current topic: fall in the Scott Valley. I live in a truly BEAUTIFUL place. it's absolutely amazing. October is by far my favorite month of the year here, and this one has really been fantastic. here's pics (try not to convulse in envy).

that is all...since it's supposed to get really rainy, starting tonight!

the first blog

2006-09-13T09:56:00.000-07:00

never tried this thing before. not quite sure how it works. only doing it so i can comment on freaking Tim Miller's blog. here goes.